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 In times past, manners were a rigid sense of actions to regulate interaction in society. Strictly formal divisions between landed gentry, industrialists, royalty or the mass slum of poor meant each knew the routine for interacting with the other. You doffed your cap to your superiors, replied 'yes mam' to the ladies or even requested permission to date the fair maiden of your dreams.
Today, these rigid distinctions have been blurred and social interaction is a lot more fluid than it previously was. This has also diluted formal manners. While most of us would be completely at ease with friends on a night out, it is in the semi-formal sphere where modern manners are most applied - with work colleagues, acquaintances, weddings, funerals or general social interaction.
Modern etiquette does not involve kissing the outstretched hands of fair maidens - chances are you'd find yourself arrested for sexual assault. In many ways, men are sometimes unsure whether to extend courtesies to a female considering the age of equal rights we live in. The blurring of boundaries between the social classes and the formal and informal, means we no longer tip our hats to the first class or have suits, canes and umbrellas for our work attire.
So what are the rules for modern etiquette that we should practice? Among the most basic and common are the following;
1. Please and Thank You - These still hold true as they express gratitude from someone for a service requested or accepted. Even with our closest friends, we should always make a point of saying thanks for any help received. It allows us to avoid looking like self-absorbed ignorants whose only focus is on ourselves.
2. Women first, men last. Ok, so this is fine if you're on a sinking ship but with queues in every shop these days you'll never get served if you leave every female ahead of you. However, you should offer your seat on a bus or a train to ladies (or the elderly), or offer to change a flat tire for a stricken motorist if needs be. Even holding the door open for others would still be considered as rudimentary manners. 3. Mobile Phones - Although we may be with a close group of friends, mobile phone calls should still be treated as private affairs. If you are with a work colleague, excuse yourself from their presence if you have to accept a call. If you are in a queue, tell them you'll ring back. If you are in a meeting, a church or the cinema, put the phone on silent. Even if you don't mind your conversation being overheard, the person on the other end of the line might not be so happy to know you're broadcasting details of his affairs to anyone within earshot.
4. Work Attire- Casual Fridays do not mean you turn up in your goth attire or wear hot pants to work. Wear CASUAL clothing such as jeans and a t-shirt.
 5. Dates - Men should still offer to pay for the first date. Even if she doesn't accept the offer, it's still considered polite to ask. If you start splitting the bill of your own accord on your first date, we have no doubt you'll be going home alone. For good. However, expecting the male to pay for all dates is probably a bit much in these times, unless you have the good fortune to very wealthy. If you find yourself constantly paying for everything on early dates alarm bells should be going off warning you about being deprived of all and every penny.
6. Smoking - In the West, smoking is widely frowned on these days. Smoking is often banned in any public place so be wary before you light up. More importantly however, if at a house party or visiting a friend, ask before you smoke. Even at house parties, smoking may be banned indoors or they might have set up an awning outside for those who do wish to indulge in this habit. If in a crowd, watch which way your smoke is blowing - it's not nice to receive a face full of someone else’s exhaled smoke if you’re standing beside them. 7. Driving - We have all suffered road rage because of an ignorant road user. Be aware of other road users when driving. If you are driving slow, allow others to overtake by using the slow lane. Leave space between yourself and the car in front for those overtaking. Never tailgate. Use indicators to signal to others what you intend doing. Do not cut across other drivers in your haste to get home. Allow others pull out from parking bays or static queues if needs be. Be patient with other drivers. You wouldn't shove an elderly woman off the pavement when walking - don't do it when you're behind the wheel either. Of course, there are a million and one ways to make life easier on yourself and others through modern etiquette. Most of it is simply common sense. All that’s required is a nanosecond of forethought before we do something and more often than not, the gesture will be reciprocated with an appreciative wave or a grateful smile. |
