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Is your girlfriend gone whacky? Does she nag you to the point of madness? Just plain bored with her? Want to spice up your life with a new one? Here are the top ten ways to break that annoying life sapping relationship off.....
 10.Prioritise - Booze and your mates come first. Cancel that restaurant, forget about the cinema, ignore that anniversary. Such trivial things exist only to cause men grief. Watch a match, have a beer, scratch your balls. Life can't get any better. Only a few days of this treatment ensures a relationship breakup.
9. Chauvinism - Modern day girls HATE chauvinism. Smack her on her fat butt every time she walks by. Pat her on the head if she speaks to you. Ssshh her in front of her silly friends if she says something. Guaranteed to drive her mad and dump you. 8. Face to face - Old school style and traditional. Ring her and tell her "We need to talk". Go for a meal in a public place, remembering to lean across the table holding her hand as you break her heart forever.( Holding hands also means she can't hit or throw anything at you). 7. MIA / AWOL - Mostly used for those relationships that span anything from a one night stand to a few months. Ignore her calls, avoid the door, delete her texts. Even those blondes will eventually get the message.
6. Pick an argument - ANY argument - so long as it generates slamming doors, shouting, yelling, tears. Tell her her mothers a whore, her father is wacko, her sister's a slut. Smirk as you saunter out the door, mission accomplished.
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5. Text Message - Thoroughly modern and funky. Your soon to be ex will appreciate the no nonsense one liner that arrives at 3am in the morning after a night on the booze with your mates. By the time she has to go to work in the morning, the relationship is in the distant past.
4. Perfume & lipstick ( As in "So what if I have a little p&l on me???")- There's nothing like coming home from the bar reeking of perfume and covered in lipstick to make your girlfriend suspicious. For Alpha males, a night on the tiles should accomplish this. For the rest of you wimps, borrowing your mothers makeup before you head out for the night will have to do. Alternatively, seek out some grandmothers birthday and flirt with her friends.
3. Score a one night stand - 100% of girls hate when this happens. If she starts saying we can work through this together she has utterly no self respect. It is difficult to breakup with a girl who is like this. Therefore you should proceed immediately to......
2. Sleep with her sister - A rarity yes, but it does happen. Plenty of booze and flirting should see you there. When your girlfriend finds out she'll no doubt be crying and sobbing. Be warned however, some sibling rivalry can see the sister blamed for your infidelity. Therefore, if having a one night stand and sleeping with her sister doesn’t work then.....
1. Have sex with her mother - 100% guaranteed to cause a relationship break up. Especially when you tell your girlfriend her mother is better in bed than her. Or if you're really sick, that you were thinking of her mother when you used to do it with her.....
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