|
 We experience many emotions during our lives and most play a healthy role in social relationships. Like most things taken to extreme however, when an emotion becomes overburdening, it can significantly impair on our quality of life. In small doses, jealousy is a normal and healthy emotion. It can cause us to work harder so we can buy a car like the neighbour's, make us more focused to achieve our goals and help us realize whats important to us.
Often however, jealousy becomes a destructive emotion, eating us up on the inside, causing us to pick unnecessary fights or losing friends and partners because of it. Known as 'the green headed monster' it's important we recognise the symptoms of jealousy and the best ways to deal with it.  When we allow jealousy to get out of control we express it in a variety of ways - verbally, emotionally and even physically. Jealousy is demonstrated by a few common traits - possessiveness, anger and irrationality. We possess what we are jealous of. For example jealousy of a partner talking to another man can lead to us becoming overly possessive and controlling of our partner. Anger as a result of jealousy is caused by a perceived failure on our part to have the object we desire. Keeping the above example of our partner talking to another man, we become angry because we perceive a failure on our part to be attractive or interesting enough for our partner. Irrationality is also a common symptom, often causing us to focus more on the problem rather than the solution. Flying into a rage when your loved one talks to a member of the opposite sex is in most cases irrational. Insulting your neighbour because he owns a 6 ft. flat screen TV is irrational. Jealousy causes us to have tunnel vision when it comes to the object of our jealousy, ignoring everything else a loved one may do or attaching baggage to a minor problem and amplifying it.
So how do we actually deal with jealousy? First of all, we have to ask ourselves if this emotion is justified. Was it right to threaten your wife's boss on the company night out? Was he actually making a move on her or just engaging in harmless social banter? Since jealousy causes us to have tunnel vision, a harmless social engagement may seem something else altogether. In this situation, it is important to step back and take a look at the bigger picture.  When we look at the bigger picture, we realize that the cause of our jealousy is actually ourselves. Often, insecure people suffer excessively from jealousy, fearful of loosing an important relationship or of being outdone by a neighbour's possessions. Realizing this opens up an opportunity to deal with this and positively reaffirm our own self worth. You may not own a 32 inch plasma, but you're sure as hell nicer than the asshole that does. She may be talking to other men, but she's chosen to go home with you- for the last 6 months and tonight. Doesn't that say more?
When we realize we are suffering from jealousy, it often helps to admit it to those you are jealous of. Your girlfriend may not have realized she was ignoring you on her work night out and your neighbour was more interested in showing off his new toy rather than causing you anguish. We often hear people say "I'm jealous of your new car" or "I'm jealous of your new house". The result is not laughter at your jealousy, rather an invitation to go for a spin or a tour. Similarly, your loved one will often take steps to reassure you such as introducing you to her boss or having you accompany her while she chit chats to colleagues on a night out. People are more motivated to help you - so long as they know what the problem is! Dealing with jealousy head on allows us to move on with our lives. Having dealt with it we can feel more secure in a relationship or congratulate the neighbour‘s when they buy a new car. It is where we refuse to recognise the symptoms or ignore the often simple steps to deal with it that causes jealousy to become a destructive emotion, blighting our lives and our relationships with those around us. |
