|
 All of us care what others think. Some more than others. But to truly get on with it in life we need to shake off the worries about what others think and accept that we can't please everyone.
All to often we do what is right - not on our own belief in what is right, but what is considered 'right' by others. This can be in our profesional lives, marrying, studies and social life. To overcome this we need to have the self belief and confidence to make decisions based on our own beliefs and judgements. Its easier said than done. What other people think can be a real barrier to progress in life. The 'other people' can be family, friends, associates, work colleagues, bosses and strangers. And very often by focusing on what they may or may not think we loose out on opportunities to better our own lives - and perhaps their lives in the process. How do we move beyond focusing on what they may or may not want and instead plotting our own courses of action based on what WE think? We have to accept firstly that no matter what we do, we can't please everyone. You would think that people like the Pope, or the Dalai Lama would have nothing but good wishes and respect from people. But that is simply not the case. If they can't please everyone, how can we do it? We just can't and it is vital that we accept this fact. We will all at some stage or another meet with disapproval from our loved ones and strangers. Just as we will disapprove of them - but you know what? That doesn't mean we disown them or they us. It is always worthwhile to remember that for the vast majority of people, you are no more than a passing thought or topic of conversation. They are more worried about their own problems and goals then yours. It would take something really bad for people to actually shun you on the street! So relax and stop worrying about them. They're probably equally as worried as to what you think! Our ultimate aim in this process is to arrive at a stage where instead of looking to others for approval, we congratulate ourselves or know our own course of action. We don't need others to tell us what to eat, why do we need others to approve of our actions? Social pressure can be a very real thing. We can ignore our own inner voice in an attempt to 'fit in'. And we've all done it at some stage - Whether blithely ignoring bullying in our school days or failing to voice our opinion in work meetings. That is not to say that we completely ignore what others think. To do so would be foolish. Loved ones in particular often have our best interests at heart and may speak from expierence. It pays to listen to them, to consider what they say. But at the same time we will not always agree with their advice and in those moments we must forge our own path ahead - with or without their support. Focusing on what others think has a lot to do with a lack of self confidence and belief. We are looking outside for approval from others, rather than saying to ourselves 'you did a good job'. We all have to learn to have confidence in our abilities. It is true that we are our own worst critics. We berate and diminish ourselves far more often and effectively than anybody else. As a first step we must learn, not to silence this voice, but to accept that we have a good 'voice' too. And allow that good voice to encourage and praise us. Only the very wise or stupid do not have self doubt. For the rest of us we must learn that we can trust in our abilities and acomplish things on our own. That gives us the self confidence to ignore what others think. Start small. Pick a small task and succeed at that. For instance afraid of meeting new people? Take a walk and say a friendly 'hello' to five people as you pass them. Sounds funny, but actions speak louder than words and by doing this we embolden and increase our own self confidence. We also silence our own worst critic (ourselves) that we cannot change our circumstances or better our abilities. Fear of failure and what others think of that failure can lead to businesses failing or never even getting off the ground. Failure is no badge of shame. You will never regret failing. You will regret not trying. When we fail, we have opened so many other doors on our journey. Failure in essence means that we are starting out on a new path - one that we are better equipped to deal with. There is no one that is successful that hasn't failed before. There are millions that are poor because they've never failed. Get out and try. You'll increase your self confidence and once the process is in motion, you will forget about other people and what they think. There is a huge debate as to why we worry so much about what others think. In most cases we will never meet these people. Yet we can delay and change course to please these unknowns. Self belief and confidence does'nt come from thoughts alone. Action must always be taken. Without action we fail to increase our self belief and confidence. It takes a deep breath and an attitude of 'Just Do It!' to get started. One class of people that we can worry about are the 'begrudgers'. Firstly they will tell you how you'll fail. They will be full of advice of what not to do. Very often they will never have tried anything themselves. These people will always exist. They want you to stay where you are, 'in your place'. No matter what kind of success you achieve they will moan and belittle your achievements. If you do fail they will smugly tell you 'I told you so'. When that happens go out and try again. You can fail hundreds of times. You only need to succeed once. Most of all never forget that you are not on this earth to live to other people's standards. You are here to live your own life, to accomplish your own dreams and to fail on your own terms. People who love you will support you, even if they don't agree with you. People that don't care about you, will talk and gossip and spread romours and falsehoods against you. Only you can decide who you let win.
|
