Everything is smoothly. You got to first base. Now it's time to undo the bra. A smooth bra opening and everything will continue along flawlessly. A botched bra opening and she'll grow cold knowing that if you're this bad at bra's, you're going to be goddammmed awful in bed. Nothing impresses a girl faster than a smooth, polished flick to open a bra. At least, that's what we like to think.

Ah, Valentine’s Day, the macho male’s favourite time of year. Not!

If you don't know what a WAG is, there is no point reading this article. You belong to a club who fancies girls with crooked teeth and still lives at home with their mothers. On the other hand, for those of us who look at (ugly) footballers nabbing long, blonde, 36DD models, there is still hope even if you don't have the skills of Maradona or the impossible good looks of Beckham.

Well then, surprise, surprise, you've been for a few drinks with the girl of your dreams. You've been to the fancy restaurants, the cinema, the bars and clubs. If you were lucky, you've even been to her place. But now, she wants to see where you live and she's coming over tonight. We all know that if she sees the squalor you happily choose to live in, that’ll be the end of your sweet dreams. Follow these few simple tips in order to impress her.