Is she lying?

Last Updated on Tuesday, 02 March 2010 13:51 Monday, 01 March 2010 00:37

How can you tell when somebody is lying? Often we get a gut instinct that the story we're getting is not the full truth. But what are the signs to look for that would confirm that gut feeling for us?

It's ironic that the people who lie to us the most are the people that are closest to us. Lie's can range from the innocent sounding white lie we all tell 'No, you don't look fat in that' to the whopper soul destroying lie 'I did not cheat'.

Is she lying? Liz Hurley in Bedazzled

Often the guilt of the party telling the lie affects how strong the signals are. A girlfriend, that also happens to be a sociopath, will lie with ease. She'll tell you you are in no danger at all whilst sharpening the knives. A girlfriend in tears because you killed a buzzing bee and 'how will the baby bee's cope?' - is more likely to offer strong signs of lying.

Is she a psychopath?

There's no one sign that a person is lying. Rather a combination of signs should be looked for. Even if a person is covering up one sign well, it's unlikely they can mask all signs. It's therefore good practise to attempt to discern if a multiple of the below tell-tale signs are occurring.

EYE CONTACT
There's truth in the old saying 'Look me in the eyes and tell me.....' When we lie, we invariable avert our eyes. It can be for just a fleeting moment or covered up by focusing on another object rather than the person we're lying to. When we attempt to cover our signs, we maintain unnatural eye contact, maybe by not blinking or blinking too rapidly and heavily. Either way, natural eye contact is avoided.

If a liar is under pressure, their eyes may dart around the room as they seek an exit or an excuse. If we are attempting to concoct a fabulous story our eyes may move fast as we attempt to string together a cover story.

Natural conversation does not involve maniacal eyes. If the eyes are in a forced stare or moving rapidly it is more likely that a person is telling a lie.

A genuine smile from Demi Moore. Note the crow's feet, eyebrows narrowing inwards, cheek muscles extending - all facial muscles are used in a genuine smile

SMILING

Smiles often accompany lies. Not when you are in a blazing row of course. When a compliment is told as an untruth is one prime example. A real smile appears and disappears fast as the moment passes. It involves muscles in the eyes, forehead and cheeks. Take a look for crows feet around the eyes to spot a genuine smile. Fake smiles tend to linger longer and involve only the lips moving.

A person telling lies will often angle themselves away from you. Feet may point away from you or their body might be slightly sideways. Even a physical object will separate you from them.

TOUCHING

Not you. Themselves. People telling lies often touch themselves. Look out for hands touching their face or throat, scratching their nose, sniffing or rubbing the ear. Open palms could indicate someone telling the truth - the open signs being a gesture that they are hiding nothing.

On the other hand, a liar will be 'closed', using less space and movements will be inward towards their own body. Fidgeting with their own hands or an object is another method to avoid open contact with you. Fidgeting could include nail biting, tapping their feet, playing with an object, fiddling with keys in their pocket or shifting from left foot to right foot.

AFFIRMATIVES

It's surprising how often liars do not actually deny their crime outright. An outright denial is likely to be more truthful than implying the denial. If you ask 'Did you kiss him?' and they reply 'Are you mad?' rather than' No, I did not kiss him' it's more likely to be a lie.

Even better, if they reply 'I didn't kiss him' it's more truthful than the 'I did not kiss him'. Language flows more normal when we are telling the truth. Humor, sarcastic and self deprecating comments are also used to avoid answering questions directly.

FANTASY TALES

Too good to be true?

If it's too good to be true it probably is. The same rule can be applied to lying. If the story sounds fantastic, with loads of embellishments and details - it's probably a lie.

A liar will tend to talk more and faster as they construct their own fantasy and justify every detail of the story. Descriptions will often be muddled and the speaker may even jarble the words. The reason is the mind is racing ahead attempting to come up with the next piece of the lie, as well as remembering what was previously said. Past lies, the current lie and the future lie must all fit together in a wonderful tale. The result is sloppy speech.

CHANGE OF TOPIC

Often the best way to differentiate between lies and truth is to change the subject. The liar will often enthusiastically embrace the change of topic, becoming more relaxed. Is she suddenly interested in your thoughts on the World Series? Even offering her own? Has her tone lowered, her speech become more natural? By changing topic it becomes easier to differentiate between panicked rushed lies woven into speech and what someone telling the truth would speak like.

A person telling the truth will want to resolve the issue around the question rather than avoid it.

OVERLY DEFENSIVE

The best form of defense is attack. Lying is no different. If the response is out of all proportion to the question, it could be a sign somebody is lying. Accusing you of acts 'you don't love me' and going into rage, maybe even storming out of the situation can all be used as a means of attack to cover or avoid a lie.

There is no definite method of telling somebody is lying. A lot depends on the person. Someone who repeatedly messes with their hair may be lying. Or they may be flirting with you, hair flicking being one of the ways to tell somebody likes you. Circumstances (e.g. accusing somebody of betraying you when their pet dog of 20 years has just died), the character and personality of the person, whether the person is naturally nervous or serene, the relationship between the you and them, the situation (in front of a crowd or the privacy of your own home?) all play a factor in analysing whether the above signs indicate somebody who is lying or somebody who may be under duress anyway.